


Why is Everything so Heavy?

by Tonicheryltopaz



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Established Relationship, F/F, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-06
Updated: 2020-02-06
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:07:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22592263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tonicheryltopaz/pseuds/Tonicheryltopaz
Summary: Toni and Cheryl hit a slight bump in the road. I suck at summaries lol.
Relationships: Cheryl Blossom/Toni Topaz
Kudos: 107





	Why is Everything so Heavy?

**Author's Note:**

> Hey y’all this is just an angsty one shot that came outta my head. This is what happens when you combine extreme anxiety and listening to Billie Eilish (when the party’s over and ocean eyes) in your bed in the dark lmao. I love Choni and obviously don’t want them to break up or fight and I’m not saying this is in character, I just wrote this down to get the idea out. I def can relate to Cheryl in this story cuz I let my mind take over and I am too stubborn for my own good so not necessarily related to anything or the show except for some slight 3x15 dialogue. So enjoy and if it’s not your thing that’s cool too. Now I’m over explaining, talk to me on Twitter if ya want @tonicheryltopaz.

Cheryl stirred awake, opening her eyes slowly and letting her senses come to life. Her head was foggy as she rubbed her temples with her hands, pressing firmly. She sat up, letting her silk sheets slide down her bare skin and pool around her waist. A quick glance to her left to an empty bedside left a pit deep in her stomach. A gnawing that burned like an ulcer. She averted her eyes to the right to see an empty window seat. She knew it would be vacant. She always checked just in case. In case her deepest desires of hope could materialize the girl that had left two weeks ago. Nothing left of Toni now but faint hints of perfume in the sheets and abandoned cigarette ashes on the window sill. Cheryl wanted to scream. She wanted to wake up from this nightmare. Every faint sound of a motor had her running to her window panes, pressing her palms to glass just to see an empty driveway. Every vibration from her phone made her heart race but she never saw the name she wanted to see across the screen. She laid back down, pulling the sheets up to her chin. She willed her mind not to go to the last conversation but it spiraled despite her mental pleas, taking her back to a place she couldn’t bear to visit again.

“Aren’t you tired of it Cheryl?” Toni asked exasperated, running her index finger over the skin of her thumb like she did when she was anxious.

“Of what Toni?” Cheryl asked despite knowing exactly what Toni was talking about. The harsh words, the petty digs, the draining days of silence after each disagreement. She knew what Toni was hinting at. She could never dream of admitting it. She would rather live in chaos with Toni Topaz then have to dwell within the walls of her mind alone.

“Of the fighting Cher.” Toni probed softly.

“If you can’t deal with me Toni, then that’s that I suppose.” Cheryl countered coldly, always adding an extra lash to her tongue.

“It doesn’t always have to be heavy Cheryl...I love you...you know that right?” Toni asked desperately, clinging onto any shred of hope she could find.

Cheryl wanted to reach out her arms, scoop Toni up and never let her go. She wanted to get on her knees and tell Toni she loved her until she was hoarse. She wanted to make love to her until the sun came up and lit up the bedroom in a golden light. She wanted to hold her close and count every single hair on her head and let the pink strands fall delicately between her fingers. She wanted to hear the sweet, melodic laugh that she had not heard in so long. She wanted to be hers, forever. But instead the words flowed out first, sneaking passed her red lips before she could stop them. “I don’t know what I know anymore.”

Toni’s eyes flickered with pain. The revelation and heaviness of Cheryl’s words hitting her firmly in the chest. “Do...do you love me?” 

Cheryl’s heart shattered. The weakness of Toni’s voice breaking her into a million pieces. She looked so small standing there, exposed and vulnerable. Of course she loved her. She has only loved her. She could only love her. There was no one else on the planet earth for Cheryl Blossom except Toni Topaz. Her teeth dug into her lip, breaking the skin slightly, a trace of blood trickling into her mouth. The fights were always temporary, the anger fading after a few hours but Cheryl was stubborn and she wrestled with her pride. She wanted Toni to fight for her, she wanted Toni to tell her she needed her, the need for validation outweighing her ability to admit when she was wrong. “I...I don’t know.” she said the words but not mean one of them.

Toni pursed her lips and nodded slowly. “I see...well, I guess that answers that.”

Cheryl stood stoic on the outside. Lips in a firm line, bottom lip swollen from the pressure of her teeth. Her brown eyes fixated on the ground. Her mind was begging her to say anything other than what she was saying. A prisoner in her own mind. She knew Toni wouldn’t leave she never did. They’d go to their separate corners of the house, cool down, and run to each other with tear stained cheeks wishing they could take back everything they said. But Cheryl watched painfully as Toni dropped her shoulders and went to the closet to retrieve a bag. “What are you doing?” She asked.

Toni looked up at her with sorrowful eyes. “What are we doing? We are hurting each other and for what?”

Cheryl bit her lip harder in thought. “I don’t know…” it came out weak.

Toni sniffled as she rummaged through her dresser. “I guess being here..living together...it was too soon… too fast...we are too different..”

Cheryl felt the familiar bubble of anger coming to the surface. “Then go.” Stay. Please stay. Don’t go. Her mind screamed, she wanted Toni to know she could never possibly want her to leave, but she couldn’t swallow her pride to say it. She watched through glossy eyes as Toni moved around the room, a shell of herself. Cheryl wished Toni could read her mind, then she would know. Stay. Please. But Toni couldn’t read her mind, no matter how badly Cheryl wanted it to be so.

Toni grabbed just enough to fit in the duffel bag and slung it over her shoulder. She paused in the doorway briefly, as if she was giving Cheryl a chance to stop her.

Cheryl’s voice stopped in the back of her throat, still too stubborn to tell the shorter girl to put the bag down so they could talk like adults. Instead she listened to her small footsteps descend down the staircase.

The redhead laid in bed, curled in a ball, the weight too heavy on her chest. That is where she had been the last two weeks. Mind spinning out of control. She kept telling herself this was good for them, they needed time. How much time was enough? How much time until Toni found someone else, or realized she was happy without the redhead? How much time until Toni became a painful memory? How long would it take Cheryl to learn that she wasn’t loveless? How long would it take for Cheryl to shake her stubbornness and be the one to reach out to the love of her life? 

She rolled over with a groan, her body aching from laying in the same position for hours at a time. She gripped her phone, clicking it to life as it shined brightly into brown eyes. She squinted as she typed in her passcode. Her fingers hovered over the familiar name “T.T. <3” , aching to press call. She didn’t know how long her finger lingered, but long enough for the screen to go black and the sun to move in the sky. Afternoon. All she had to do was press call but now the fear of rejection was clawing at her thoughts. Cheryl had let too much time pass, Toni would never answer her call now. Toni was happier now, she did not have the burden of her girlfriend on her back. She was free. Her mind continued to feed her lie after lie.

“Fuck.” she screamed into her empty room, her hoarse voice echoing off the walls. She gripped her phone in her hand again, feeling as if she could break it in half. Her nails dug into the screen as she inhaled deeply.

She swallowed hard and brought the phone to life again. She clicked the name without allowing herself to think twice and listened to the ringing in her ears. She let it ring once, twice, three times, and before the fourth ring could begin, a raspy voice was flowing through Cheryl’s ear.

“Cher?” it sounded weak.

Cheryl choked back tears, overwhelmed by the familiar comfort of Toni’s voice. She sobbed into the phone, not able to form any words to utter to the girl on the other line.

There was a brief pause before. “I’ll be right there.” 

Cheryl breathed a sigh of relief. One step down. Breaking the ice, and Toni didn’t hesitate, she was coming back. Cheryl quickly got out of bed to try and make it seem like she hadn’t been a mess the past two weeks. She washed her face, painted on a red lip, and ran a brush through her hair. She gave herself a once over and frowned. Her eyes. They gave her away. Red and puffy, so swollen no amount of makeup or beauty tricks could save them.

She heard the rumble of the motorcycle she had been aching to hear and ran to sit on the bed. She heard the front door creak open and heard footsteps slowly ascend the stairs. 

Toni stood in the doorframe, smaller than she had ever looked, her brown eyes no better than Cheryl’s. She slowly approached the redhead and sat tentatively on the bed next to her. 

There was a beat of silence, both girls not wanting to ignite another feud, just basking in the presence of one another. Consuming the air that they had not shared in two long weeks. 

Cheryl broke the silence first. “You hurt me”

“You hurt me too.” Toni responded.

“I do love you.” Cheryl said, already wiping tears that were flowing.

“I know.” Toni assured her. “I love you too.”

“I wanted you to stay...I shouldn’t have even let you take one step out of here.” Cheryl sobbed.

Toni’s lips curled down into a frown. “Don’t cry please...we both should have never got to that point. We let our anger take over...I don’t even know what we were fighting for Cher...but I wanna stay...I'm sorry I should have called sooner..” 

Cheryl felt her chest finally relax and she couldn’t help herself, she threw herself into the arms of the smaller girl. “I’m so sorry Toni… never doubt that I care for you...we both let it get out of hand.” 

“I know that baby, I care for you too. I thought we needed space but I missed you something fierce.” Toni admitted quietly. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” Cheryl hummed as she buried her face in Toni’s neck. “We can make it past this right?” She asked quietly.

“We can make it through anything.” Toni promised as she wrapped her arms around Cheryl, pouring all her emotion into a simple touch.


End file.
